I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
