Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
