i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
