My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
