well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
