I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
