Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
