In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
