based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
