I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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