Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
