I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
