just tell him i said nine months
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
