It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
