It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
