I'm jealous of your bromance
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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