it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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