Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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