Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
