Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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