i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
