At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
