I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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