does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
