i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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