I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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