dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
