His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
