we have pet lesbian snakes
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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