9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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