dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
