Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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