I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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