I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
