I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
