remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
