She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They have beer where we have blood.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
