just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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