You made me cry and you don't even care
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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