i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
