I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
