This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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