I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
