i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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