my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
