my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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