If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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