Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
