Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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