i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
