wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
