There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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